We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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