I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
