Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
sex in a hospital.. check
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
