I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
