You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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