when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
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