that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
