there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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