So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
