he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
