Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
