so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
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