Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
