I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
