He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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