I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
