Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
