that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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