I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
its liver damage thursday
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
