3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
