Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
