I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
