Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
you never un-have a 4some
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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