and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
