We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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