The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
