Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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