did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
