She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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