You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize