He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
