I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
