So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
