guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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