She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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