why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I see more hoeing in ur future
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