evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Drunk is not a location!
Randomize
