then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I can tuck mytits in my pants
Apparently you make a good broom.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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