my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
