zippers are such a cool invention
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
