Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
