There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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