my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
You pole danced in your parka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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