You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
