Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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