just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
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