dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
