I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
