2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.