The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
worst night to have a conscience
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
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i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
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That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??