Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd