I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess