as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I touched a dick in church today
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
