i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
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His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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