These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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