I wannas sexs uuuuu
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
