dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
