if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
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I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
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Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home