if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form