I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something