The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK