so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.