I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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