What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
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