saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
