Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Randomize
