pedialite and red bull = repair kit
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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