R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
