You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
