I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
