Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
