Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
