Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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