I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
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I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
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My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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