I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
