I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I wish you could order shots online.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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