so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
