I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
